~Relationships 101 ~

relationships

Today while at my desk working I began to reflect over previous friendships, partnerships and relationships in general. There have been some people that I’ve had to walk away from and some that have walked away from me.

In thinking of this I learned that we are the only ones who can determine who we allow into our intimate space and who we must re-position to the balcony. There have been some that were once in my inner circle that I had cut off due to immaturity and really not knowing how to face challenges in life therefore, instead of dealing with the issues I would run away from them instead. There have also been some that I disconnected from due to finally realizing some things and coming to terms with the fact that the relationship no longer served me.

There were some connections in which individuals have disconnected from me due to misunderstandings or whatever was considered a nonnegotiable in their life.

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Lastly, there have also been times when I have allowed people to stay in my life much longer than they should and I paid for it in the end.

The point I am trying to make is in everything you do give it your absolute best. Whether it be friendships, professional relationships and partnerships or dating relationships as well. Give it all you got! Don’t allow fear of them walking away or previous failures hold you captive from experiencing true love and the advantages the right partnerships can bring.

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Life has many things to teach us on a consistent basis if we would lend it our ear and listen with our soul rather than our heart. You see, your soul is where your mind, will and emotions live. The depths of who you and I are is found in how we think, operate and allow things to affect us.

Following your heart can oftentimes be misleading and will send you down paths you never intended to take. Be prayerful and cautious, not fearful and suspicious. It’s perfectly okay to guard your space and determine who you will allow to come in and who needs to exit stage left.

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No matter your decision remember you can’t make it in this life alone. Face your issues, as well as your fears, love people and give them permission to fail and make mistakes. The number one problem in relationships is we fail to communicate effectively. Sure, we are talking but are we speaking in a language that is foreign to the listener? Are we so concerned and wrapped up in our own needs that we neglect the needs of the person we are trying to convey a message to?

Search within and really evaluate your friendships, relationships and partnerships that have gone wrong. Then, accept the truth of whatever the common factors are and commit to becoming better in the necessary areas. Even people who walk away from us without a cause can teach us a lesson.

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Be sure to keep people in their proper places. Don’t lean too much on another human more than you do God. He’s jealous and He will shut it down if that’s what it takes to get your attention.

No matter how close we may walk with Holy Spirit we will all be disappointed in life, hurt people as well as be hurt by them. The growing factor is to learn how to shift and learn from things that have happened and refuse to allow your heart to turn cold toward others due to previous pains you have caused others as well as what they have caused you.

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Walk in love today, and remember to give your best to your friend, partner, family and loved ones while pouring your heart into all you do and trust God to protect you as you serve and allow others to serve you!

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 Every Monday I will be sharing Thoughts from The Trailblazer pouring out whatever is on my heart at that time that I feel will be beneficial to you. Feel free to comment below to continue this conversation. Share this article with intimate study groups, women’s organizations or any network you feel would benefit from reading it.

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Passionately pushing you toward purpose from the pulpit to the marketplace!

carla r cannon2
Carla R. Cannon
“The Trailblazer”
http://www.CarlaCannon.com

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Inner Circle, Outer Circle & Balcony Sitters

women

 

We are the sum total of the individuals we spend the most time with.

As we prepare to enter into a new year it’s important to do what I call a ‘Circle Check.’ In doing a circle check people fall into two categories. Either those you are connected to are an asset or a liability.

If they are an asset they add to your life. If they are a liability they are taking away from your life. Either way it is up to you to give people proper placement in your life.

You have those in which you will grant direct access (these are typically your spouse, close friends, spiritual advisors), then there are those you have to deny certain access to (these can be mentees and those in which you are called to serve) and then finally there are those in which you simply have to place in the balcony (as my sister, Real Talk Kim categorizes it.)

Those in which you give direct access to you may answer their phone calls immediately knowing they will value your time because they respect who you are, what you are called to and are there to add to your life not deter you from your destiny.

Next, you have those in which you may have to deny personal access to however, you may be there for them professionally. These are typically clients or mentees in which you are called to however, you may have to develop boundaries and keep it professional to ensure you are respected for the role you are called to serve in their life.

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Finally, there are those in which you have to place in the balcony and they may be family members and even long time friends. They mean well but fail to respect your time, lack focus and tend to bring you down from your wall of building and becoming all you were created to do.

When inserting people in the proper place you in return upgrade your life because you have not only upgraded your circle but you become clear on the roles certain people are called to serve in your life as well as you in theirs.

Here are the benefits of placing people in their proper place:

  1. Frees you from clutter- It is time to get rid of space fillers. Become more selective by valuing who you are and who you grant access to.Never be so anxious for friends that you allow individuals to come in who do not share your core values.
  2. Expands your level of thinking- Fill your circle with individuals who are smarter than you.Don’t allow them to intimidate you but understand that your network determines your net worth.
  3. Prevents you from shrinking back. When you fill your circle with other visionaries and water walkers then the spirit of competition and jealousy is rare. You want to surround yourself with others who are productive are not only dreamers but also EXECUTERS. They don’t just talk the talk but they walk the walk!
  4. Positions you for greater: If you are the only one in your circle walking in favor and opening doors for everyone else and they are simply riding along reevaluate those relationships.Relationships/Friendships should be of a mutual benefit. Meaning I come into this friendship with x,y,z and you enter in with x,y,z.

    Develop a vision for the type of friend you desire to be and the type of friends you desire.

    1. Know the difference between friends, fans and followers. Bishop Jakes calls them comrades, constituents and confidants.Friends have your back and are what I call your “Ride & Live.” Having them around makes life so much better.

      Fans are those who follow from afar and simply love and are often amazed by what you DO not necessarily who you are.

       

  • Followers are those who support you but you don’t have them in your personal space or inner circle. They support your movement but aren’t necessarily those you would invite to your home (your sanctuary and only available for those in your intimate circle.)
  1. Increases your faith– You want friends in your life where great things are happening in their life to the point that it increases your faith as it relates to what God is doing for you!It’s no fun to be the only friend experiencing financial breakthrough while others in your circle are hooked on struggle which often originates back to mind set.

    This is why you find rich people filling their circle with other rich people because statistics prove that rich or successful people think differently from poor or unsuccessful people.

 

REMEMBER: Law of Attraction: We attract what we are not what we desire.