Trauma can be defined as an emotional upset, or a disordered psychic or behavioral state resulting from severe mental or emotional stress or physical injury.
Growing up I experienced a traumatic childhood which led to me having severe nightmares in which certain scenes replayed in my psychological mind as well as issues that led into my adulthood. I had issues with trusting people as well as loving myself.
It wasn’t until I was in my mid twenties that the nightmares stopped. However, as a woman soon to enter my mid thirties those traumatic experiences tend to creep up on me every now and then.
This happened recently when my Mom and I released our new book, Redeeming the Time. We hosted a live event Mother’s Day weekend in an effort to help bridge the gap between mothers and daughters worldwide.
(My Mom & I on the Day of Our Book Release: May 12, 2018)
During the event as we discussed different scenarios from my childhood, I began to struggle in my seat and fight back tears because I literally began to feel the pain from those life changing moments I had experienced. WOW! It’s amazing how traumatic experiences that happened over twenty years ago can still trigger certain emotions.
(Some of the attendees of Redeeming the Time Live Event & Book Release)
Growing up I remember feeling like I was crazy because I was put on medication, talked all the time and always got in trouble to the point I was forced to go talk with a therapist. I used to literally think something was wrong with me.
When I was eighteen years old I tried to terminate my life by taking a bottle of pills. Ironically I awakened to the worst headache ever! In the midst of it all none of what I have been through had the power to terminate my life; not even my own attempt.
Perhaps you are experiencing the pain from your childhood, a failed marriage, emotional or physical trauma of any sort. Be encouraged today knowing that you will live through all of this.
Writing this book with my Mom was the hardest out of all the (eight) books I’ve written. Why? Because I had to accept the fact that my Mom and I remember certain things differently and where it was traumatic for me a lot of those things she was able to “block out” of her memory. However, I have yet been able to do so. But that is the interesting thing about relationships, none are perfect but are necessary. You can’t just divorce your family; although some people try. I believe the Lord has given us the family we have for a reason; a purpose; to help birth out of us all He has placed within us.
After a fabulous event on Saturday, I was awakened at 4AM with an upset stomach and tears streaming down my face as I relived the trauma of my childhood when my mom was married to her second husband (who physically abused me.) I didn’t call anyone because I didn’t think anyone would understand and besides I was embarrassed because my Mom and I had literally just released this new book that was already helping many especially those who attended the event.
I admit, in those moments I cried out to God asking Him why did I have to do this? I remember the ache in my heart being so severe that I thought I was having a heart attack. I remember coaching myself through various breathing techniques.
In that moment I grew angry with my Mom all over again. I was confused as to what I was feeling and even questioned God, “Will this pain ever go away permanently?” I began to regret hosting the event and writing the book. The cost was too severe. Having that conversation live was like someone had yanked the scab off my wounds.
After crying out to the Lord in prayer I learned that more healing was needed in my life as well as between my Mom and I. Often times as writers and even artists the words we write, or the pictures we paint are to bring personal healing into our lives first.
Being led to turn on the television, I came across the Unsung story of Marvin Sapp. He shared how each of his songs that hit the Billboard charts were all birthed out of tremendously painful experiences such as the lost of his father, his wife and beyond. He said he remembered telling God “I don’t know if I want another #1 record. It cost too much.”
I too can relate to this because every book I’ve written have become a best seller (with my 1st book, The Power in Waiting & The Entrepreneur Blueprint being my TOP best-sellers) and cost me tremendously. Since 2013 I have been sharing different portions of my story in different books and now I am ready to shift into writing novels.
In an effort to experience deeper healing I created a character named Chelsea (whom I introduced in my book: Turbulence) whom I get to use to release all of the creativity I have bottled up inside. There are certain parts of my story that I don’t feel comfortable sharing however, the great thing about novels is you can write a “fictional” story that may include some of your life truths. How awesome is that?
(In Florida on Vacation this past weekend)
Writing has always therapeutic for me although it’s not easy being transparent I always feel much better after I share especially after I receive feedback from others who have shared the same experiences as I have and my story encouraged them not to give up on life.
If you are going through a tough time remember this: The suffering of your present time isn’t worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. (Romans 8:18) Despite what it may currently feel like, know that all you are facing now is only temporary. Sure, you may be facing a tremendous mountain but remember you have the power to declare a thing and it shall be so! (Mark 11:23)
There is comfort in God’s presence as well as His word. Whatever you are in the midst of working on today I encourage you to FINISH! Sure, it may cause you great pain but God needs people in the earth who are willing to echo His voice in the Earth and in order to reign with God we must also be willing to suffer with Him. (II Timothy 2:12).
I encourage you to grab a copy of my Mom & I new book, Redeeming the Time which is guaranteed to provide a deeper outlook on the value of relationships not only between mother and daughter but monogamous and platonic connections as well.
No relationship is beyond repair and either we surrender to the healing process now or later; either way eventually we will have to deal with the hurt, pain, frustrations, disappointments, unforgiveness; and decide to forgive and work through our process.
Click the link to purchase your copy: bit.ly/redeemingthetimebook!