I know today’s topic is kind of straight forward but it’s so necessary. You think celebrities like Cardi B & Nicki Minaj are the only ones that experience jealousy in their line of work?
Absolutely not! It happens to all women and if a woman says they never felt an ounce of jealousy toward another woman’s success, marriage, new baby, loving support system, album sales and beyond they are not being truthful.
Jealousy is an emotion like anything else that you can’t prevent yourself from feeling. But what you can do is determine how long it stays. It’s like a seed, will you feed it with negative thoughts about the person who is winning, comparing yourself or even finding ways to tear them down.
OR will you pay attention to your own blessings, congratulate them and know your time is coming? Prayerfully you will choose the latter.
Often times we do real good at talking sisterhood but not so great at walking sisterhood.
(The late great Whitney Houston & Mariah Carey. Society constantly tried to make us choose between who we liked the best when the truth is they were both dope and had amazing range vocally.)
When I experienced a real life moment today of witnessing one of my fellow colleagues get her new talk show immediately I had mixed feelings.
I was happy for her but at the same time I was wondering, God why do I feel stuck in this area or when are things really going to take off for me?
As if God had not done enough already. I admit, I am a young woman and I have found myself more than once slightly coveting the success of women who were ten or more years older than me.
Surprised I shared that? Don’t be! I used to stalk one lady’s page so much in the name of “inspiration” that was really “comparison” that I had to block her just so I wouldn’t keep going to her page to see what new amazing thing she had done! (laughs) It’s funny now but I promise you this is a true story!
(The late greats Michael Jackson & Prince. Competition was often stirred between these two great artists when clearly they both had a place in the world!)
After recognizing this emotion I then had to pause and reflect while doing some self-coaching.
Here’s what it sounded like:
“Carla, you are 33 years young. You run and operate a 6-figure business while raising your teenage daughter. You host your own events in which women travel across the country to sit at your feet and heed your wisdom. You are an 8x best-selling author! You are soon to turn 34! You now have an amazing team of women who are in your corner and have your back in life and business. Your health is great! You’re much closer to being healed completely from all of your childhood wounds than you were previously. You have an amazing support system not to mention again you are only 33 years old and built your business/brand from the bottom up. You don’t have a major ministry or business backing you and yet you continue to thrive! Really Carla? Get over yourself and tell the Lord thank you!”
If we are not careful that spirit of jealousy will creep up on us before we even know it. As ministry leaders and business owners, and people as a whole we must stop comparing our process to others who have been in the game much longer than we have. Sure, it was prophesied to me that I’d have my own talk show. But hey, if the opportunity hasn’t come yet, it’s because it’s not time yet. Get it? YET!
(Lupita & Beyonce’: Why when two women wear the same dress we allow society to encourage us to “cast our vote” on Who wore it better? Why can’t the headlines read: Both Beautiful Queens Rocked Elegant Green! Nah, that would be too empowering and way too simple!)
So what if the real test of my readiness was if I could celebrate someone else who got first what I am currently waiting on? A powerful point to ponder huh?
Here are some things to keep in mind the next time that mean monster called jealousy tries to creep in:
- Jealousy is not cute although it is a real emotion.
- God is no respecter of persons therefore, He has not forgotten me
- I am not ready for the next level if I can not celebrate someone else in their moment.
- God has done so many amazing things in my life that if he doesn’t do anything else He has done enough!
- Never covet someone else’s moment. You never know what it took to get them there!
(What if we never chose a side: East Coast VS West Coast, would Tupac & Biggie still be alive today? When is enough, enough? Oh yeah the spirit of comparison definitely happens among brothers as well. Ladies, it’s not just us. Men just hide it better LOL)
After having this quick pep-talk with myself I thought, hey… I’m sure I am not the only one who has experienced moments like this. I know we don’t like to talk about them but it’s healthy to do so and will help you overcome and continue to work on yourself while celebrating others in their “wins” in the process.
Did today’s blog resonate with you? Comment below and share a time you experienced being jealous of someone else’s win and how you handled it. No need to be ashamed! As you can see we are all in this together!